Day 9 Reflection:

Hi all! I know yesterday I said I'd keep you in the loop of any future thoughts and ideas I have about my "something new". Though I'm sure there will be PLENTY of something news accomplished but one of these is this year I am starting a Bullet Journal. Everyone I know that has one, LOVES it and swears by it. I started looking into it and was intrigued enough to order myself a journal and just see what happened. I will honestly admit, I thought this would be something I would forget to do, didn't update, or lose inspiration doing rather quickly. So far... that is not the case.

I love making lists. It is funny because I never used to be but I do. Even before starting my blog, I had LISTS and LISTS of topics to cover and things that sparked my interest or inner fire. To -Do lists, grocery lists, measurements, schedules etc - and supposedly this was a way I'd be able to have my lists and organization in ONE PLACE. Sounds very.... satisfying. So I bought the journal, got a mechanical pencil and started.

Before I knew it, during my down time at work, on my commute, I was thinking about what else I could track and design. Because not only did it fulfill my list making, progress tracking ways, it also allowed me to use my creativity outside of the studio. Having been very involved in high school with visual arts and my passion for drawing, painting etc - this was an outlet for that side of my artist. It has been really fun to do, to get back to productive art making.

Looking forward to some of my designs that are in the works or ideas for future tracking! Cannot wait to share more as I go!

12 Days of Mindfulness Day 10: Be Kind To Yourself!

We are always our own worst critic. Not just dancers, not just women, but we, as a collective people, put ourselves through the ringer day in and day out. Whether we are shaming our bodies for not fitting a dance companies “image”, looking in the mirror and finding everything we dislike or want to change - skin, hair, weight, height, criticizing our stage in life, our job status, and from there compare our worth to those around us based on ultimately unimportant things.

I have a habit of being incredibly unkind to myself. I have a very warped sense of myself. I can with a level-head and with logic understand I have so many things others would like (just as I do of them). But the moment I step in front of the mirror in a dance studio - all that logic is thrown out the window. I can recognize I have warped logic but also don't help myself by telling myself the dance world is different and allow it to be an excuse... and internally then bash myself . It makes ZERO sense. I recognize how crazy I sound - I know many people who hear it from me get very frustrated with me. I do not do it for your reassurance - my brain has misfiring of sorts. And I'm blessed that I can step back and see how ludicrous some of the things coming out of my mouth sound. There are many people who can't even see how beautiful they are. I'm hyper aware of this as a teacher and something I've really desperately been trying to work on because this is not the example of self love and value any teacher aims to set for the beautiful children we teach, the next generation of dancers, adults - those whose minds are already under fire. Right now, stop reading, pause and sit there and until you can say 5 things you GENUINELY love about yourself. For some people, this is hard. For some people, a bad day darkens their view of themselves and the world... so really think about it and practice affirming yourself everyday.

I have a habit of always saying yes, whether it is in my best interest or not. Last year it was my intention to allow myself to say no, because in fact, I might actually be saying yes to myself. It started very strong, I traveled spontaneously, I met new people, expanded friendships, but after a while my old ways came back. It is an actual fight internally to think about these things before answering. I am trying to bring this “think before deciding” thing back as it really did allow me to pick and choose based on my physical mental and emotional needs.

I love saying yes, truly I do, but sometimes I need to recognize when enough is enough. That it’s ok to say, “I’m not really in a financial place to do that.” or “can we raincheck, homegirl needs a night to shut things down.” Or even “Thanks for the invite but I am unavailable” even if I “miss out.”

I can be kind in the way I speak of myself, to myself and to others. I can recognize struggles in others and reassure them. But kindness to yourself can also be actions. For example, Jan 4th (today) I slept in because I have been under the weather, I worked out to get my body moving and sweating, Mike got me a massage for while he worked. I went to the store, I did some scheduling and prepping work wise, I made myself soup and tea and watched a corny Netflix movie. I ate dinner and watched the Caps with Mike and now spending time reflecting on ways I can be kind to myself... numerous ways to love myself.

What ways can you think of? Do you have a ritual or routine to show yourself love? Have any suggestions or ideas? Here is some perspective:

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